It's been nearly three years since I last posted anything here and even longer since I wrote anything. I'm not the kind of person interested in making New Years resolutions, nor do I believe in trying something just to give up on it later. The reason I haven't posted here is because I felt like I never really had anything interesting to say. No important contribution to make.
The problem I find myself in now is that I need a creative outlet to express my thoughts and feelings about really anything that is knocking around in my head. I'm not going to make any promises that I'm going to post every day, nor will I make a promise to post riveting tales of fatherhood. I don't know what this will be, but it's a journey that I've decided to undertake and I'd love to take you along with me.
The past two years have been extremely busy for me. Around this time in 2015 my wife was having a rough time carrying the twin girls slowly growing inside her. Things were changing rapidly and weren't going to stop. Life was getting stressful, but everything was still manageable.
Around this time, a friend of mine asked me to help by writing some code for a website that he could use to manage photos and payment for his burgeoning photography company. I said yes.
Juggling caring for my son during the day (with lots of walks to the local park and of course Bobaguys for caffeine), caring for my wife who was ordered several times to bed-rest by doctors, cooking, cleaning and working on this website project was really rough. I became dependent on Redbull to get me through the mornings and nights, downing a can or two when I needed a boost from being sleep-deprived. I think I averaged around 4 hours of sleep per night for roughly two months.
None of this really helped the relationships I had. My wife was already upset with me (as pregnant wives deserve to be) but the situation continued to degrade slowly. I also wasn't being a great dad for my son since I never had any energy to run with him at the park. Everything frustrated me.
I think the biggest issue I had at this time was getting used to changes that were happening. I knew with the arrival of the twins that our lives would drastically change. We would have to move. We would need a new car to fit five. I would have less time to work on the projects that interested me. But by far the biggest issue I had struggled with while raising my son was the isolation I felt being a new parent. It was rare (and a celebrated event) when I would have an adult conversation with someone. I knew this was something that was going to worsen.
Two years later, here I am. We did it. I'm not sure how. When people ask how, I just say "it's something we had to do, so we did it". So now what?
I've finally managed to feel like I've got a groove going with my responsibilities and I had a short but very recharging break. I feel refreshed. But something else happened recently, and while I might go into more detail about that in the future, I've become nothing short of inspired. It's been a long time since I've felt that there aren't any boundaries except those I impose upon myself. I'm not sure how long this will last, but I'm not focused on that right now. What I am focused on is using this blog as a creative outlet for my thoughts and hopefully we'll figure this out together.
I'm not someone filled with wisdom, but I know that there are always possibilities. It's our own determination and willingness to adapt which enable the best possibilities to be known.